A little bit about me

When You're Unexpecting - Nat Bailey

I’m Nat, miscarriage doula, trauma & grief informed guide and Lomi Lomi healing bodyworker, but more importantly, I am a childless mum to 5 babies, their presence and their loss lead me down this path of healing and grief and trauma awareness because my heart was literally broken and the support available to women who’ve endured a miscarriage is pretty much non-existent. 

I was the poster child for positive thinking and mindset work before enduring these losses for myself, being a Wellness & Nutrition coach prior to my recurrent losses, I lived and breathed “Positive Vibes Only” I soon learnt there are some forms of grief and trauma you can’t think yourself positive out of, so many of us women who unfortunately belong to this miscarriage club aren’t remotely prepared for what really unfolds as a result of losing something so precious to us, that goes well beyond losing our babies and is felt within our entire bodies, not just the mind.

What I experienced was a total disconnection from myself through our losses, I didn’t trust my body or my soul's purpose after enduring these recurrent losses, building that trust back within myself and validating just how awful and how heavy those losses were was the only way through it, it was the only way of reconnecting the somewhat shattered pieces of myself after loss.

In the midst of this heartache, it became abundantly clear that there just isn’t the compassion and support we as mothers of angels need, our grief and everything we are left with is literally swept under the rug, I had enough of feeling invalidated and categorised as just another 1 in 4 statistics, I want no other mum going through this journey to feel alone and neglected, your pain is valid, your grief is real, your babies mattered regardless of gestation and I am here to support and guide you the best way I can and to help you find your way back to your beautiful self.

The wound is the place where light enters you

My why….

Becoming a miscarriage doula was initially to have a better understanding of the grief & trauma I was struggling to understand for my own awareness after losing our 5 babies, then it became more apparent that the reason was far beyond just gaining a better awareness for myself & my own healing, it was to find purpose through my pain, it is to be that support for others when we so desperately need it, to be that safe space for vulnerability, grief & trauma to not only be witnessed but to be held, understood & worked through.

To not be another voice out there that spiritually & emotionally by passes our loss & trauma associated with losing our babies with more toxic positivity, when we’re told everything happens for a reason in the midst of losing something we would have literally died for to save, our unborn children.

What I felt especially with our last 2 losses is that the narrative needs changing, that we need to feel what arises, when it arises & not feel ashamed or less in doing so.

What I found after losing all of my babies there’s just no physical space for care after baby loss, we’re expected to put our big girl pants on and go home and get on with life, life as we knew it isn’t the same and women, families anyone going through this type of loss needs to be able to access help and support whilst they transition through loss and living in their new realities.

After my 4th baby died, I had follow-up blood tests over 6 weeks at our hospital until my pregnancy hormone levels were considered normal, that very last test the lady taking care of my blood results said that the bloods were all normal now, you don’t need to come back, your care has been completed, but I didn’t feel normal whatsoever, I felt shell shocked and needed support, and it just wasn’t available, once the physical side of things presented as normal nothing else was addressed although I wasn't coping mentally or emotionally.

We need support and this is why I am so passionate about providing that safe space for women to move through everything that arises beyond the physical aspect of losing our much-loved babies.

Never has there been anything more important for me to offer, essential for me to offer & I guess I have the babies I never got to hold to thank for that, bittersweet as it may be.